Heero's Gone
by Duo-chan
Summary: A fic from Duo's point of view after Heero dies. Oneshot


DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gundam Wing or it's characters, even though I wish that I did. Oh my Gosh! (I won't say God cause it might offend people) If owned Gundam Wing I think that I would have just died and gone to heaven.  
  
WARNINGS: Really sad, a death fic. It gets better...I think. I haven't finished and I'm debating what the end should be like.  
  
Heero's Gone  
  
Heero is gone. I don't think that it ever registered in my mind that he was really gone. I mean, I saw the explosion and everything like that, I heard him say goodbye to me over the intercom that we communicated from Gundam to Gundam with, I saw the sadness in his eyes, I heard him say that he was sorry and that he had to do it, I saw him press the button, I heard the click, I saw the flames, I know that nobody could have survived it, not even Heero. No, it's never been real to me. I mean, it's just been a month. Quatre's worried about me, I don't eat anymore, I don't come out of my room that often, I don't go anywhere. Not that any of them would let me go anywhere, they think that I'm suicidal, maybe they're right. I haven't gotten any missions in a long time; I'm starting to wonder why. I wonder if its because the doctors are afraid that I'll mess up, maybe the others have told them about their thoughts on my being suicidal and they don't want me to self-destruct...yet. Maybe they'll get a really hard mission for me and the only way that we can win will be for me to self-destruct. Maybe they think that if they leave me alone for awhile I'll get back to normal. I don't know what they think; I don't know what any of them think. I hear the door open and I can see Quatre's reflection from the window that I'm looking out of.  
  
"Duo..."  
  
His voice is soft, like he's talking to a scared deer. I don't know, maybe he is. I don't know much of anything any more. I only know one thing; Heero's not coming back. I don't think that he's dead but he's not coming back. I wonder if it was me, if he really didn't love me. I'm scared that it's true, that he didn't love me so that's why he did it, he didn't care about blowing up or not.  
  
"...why don't you come down for awhile? We all miss you."  
  
I can hear the sadness in his voice, the despair. I wonder if my voice sounds like that, but I don't know. I don't talk any more. Not to Wufei, Trowa, Quatre, I don't even try to talk to Heero. He always did tell me to shut up and so I'm making this his going away present, I'm shutting up. I wonder if he's happy where he is, in heaven hopefully. He deserves to be in heaven. No matter how many people he killed he saved a lot, and he did it all for a good cause. He did it for mankind. I hear Quatre walking up behind me.  
  
"Duo, please come down," the blonde's voice with heavy with grief. "We care for you Duo, we don't like seeing you like this."  
  
I can see his reflection; he's standing right behind me. I guess that my mind likes torturing me because for a minute I see Heero instead of Quatre and I nearly believe that he's there. But then the illusion is replaced with the real reflection and my heart shatters like it does every time I realize that he's gone. A tear forms itself and falls unbidden down my cheek.  
  
"Please?" Quatre's voice is begging.  
  
I hear the door open a little bit wider and I see, in the window, that Trowa's entered the room and is standing right behind the smaller blond, his hand resting on his shoulder. The tear has made its way to the tip of my chin and falls on one of my hands which I have folded up in my lap. I look down at it, and then look back in the window to see Quatre and Trowa staring at my back; I also see my own reflection.  
  
I've gotten thinner, even I can tell that, my cheeks are hollow valleys, my eyes are dark, they've turned from violet sparkles to black dullness, I've lost my summer tan so my skin is starting to get paler though I'm not as pail as Quatre. My hair isn't in its traditional braid; it's down, pooling around my shoulders, covering me. Heero always liked it when I had my hair down; he loved my hair, he loved to touch it, he loved to comb his fingers through it. I leave it down for him, even though he's not coming back. I'm still wearing black. It has more meaning now. It always had meaning though. My life is surrounded by death. My parents, Sister Helen and Father Maxwell, the people that I kill in war...Heero. Heero died because of me. If I had fought better then he wouldn't have had to self-destruct. If I had made myself more important to him then he wouldn't have wanted to go. So many deaths that I caused. Black is a color that really does fit my life.  
  
"Please Duo...come down stairs. You have to get out of this room. You have to do something to get your mind away from it," it was Quatre talking again. Begging again, pleading me to do something more than sit here.  
  
I can hear the sadness in his voice, the despair. I wonder if my voice sounds like that, but I don't know. I don't talk any more. Not to Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, I don't even try to talk to Heero. He always did tell me to shut up and so I'm making this his going away present, I'm shutting up...shutting up for good.  



End file.
